My grandma passed away yesterday after a very brief & unexpected illness. She was very special to a lot of people, but especially her grandchildren & great-grandchildren. I don't know any other way to get through this grieving process, so I will share a bit of memories with you. I grew up literally 100 yards away from my Grandparent's on the farm. Grandma was like a second mother to my siblings and I, and we have so many memories of her it's hard to keep track. My siblings and I were able to know her when she was at her very best part of life. I also know that because she was a "boy mom", she was so very happy to get two grand-daughter's right off the bat when the next generation came around. She treated my sister and I just a little differently than she did the grandsons. We were blessed & fortunate to have known her the way we do.
I have been going to visit her every few weeks since she moved to Saskatoon 2 years ago, and so I feel very fortunate to have been able to share life with her for this long. I will forever be missing her presence.
These are my words for her:
If you don’t know who I am, my name is Carrie Ann Evelyn Matzner &
I’ve known my name-sake for 35 years, 11 months and_3_days. I am the second born
grand-daughter of Evelyn, but because I was born & raised on the family farm
in the house just 100 yards away, I also consider her my second “mother”. A few years ago, she told me that she wasn’t
going to have a eulogy at her funeral, because “what in the dickens would
anyone have to say about me?” I just
replied, lots Gramma, lots, and told her I'd write one for her some day.
Evelyn Doreen Dutnall was born October 31, 1936 in North
Battleford, SK- to Mildred & Ernest Dutnall. As the third child of four, I’m sure she came
into this world a quiet little bundle of joy, but being a Halloween baby, she
would cheekily tell any grand-child or great grandchild that she came into this
world flying on a broomstick with a tall & pointy black hat & cackling
all the while.
I’m told that Evelyn was a quiet, little red-headed girl,
full of life & sharp wit. As a child
she said she enjoyed reading & swimming at the pool down the street from
their family home. Her family didn’t
have a lot of money, and she said she would often help her mother with sewing
or laundering or running errands to help make ends meet. She once told me how she ran to the butcher
shop nearby with a stack of freshly laundered aprons and when the butcher asked
if her mother would like a drawn chicken as payment, poor 10 year old Ev
thought to herself, “What in the dickens would mother want with a picture of a
chicken?” She soon learned that the word
“drawn” doesn’t always mean by pencil. She said she went back home with the drawn
chicken and still giggled about the mistaken meaning every time she told me
this story. Grandma started &
finished her school days in North Battleford and after graduating from grade
12, she immediately went looking for work.
Her ultimate goal was always to become a nurse, but she needed to save
money to do that and so she found work as a school supervisor at Edward Lake
School. She worked at the school in the 1954-1955
year, and I believe she stayed at the Matzner farm just across the road, which
is where most of the teachers received room & board. She also happened to connect with her future
husband there. They got along quite well
& became an “item”. But being an
independent, practical and driven young lady, Grandma worked for that one
school year and saved up enough money to head off to the “big smoke” to attain
her nursing career. She moved to &
lived in Saskatoon for the next 4 years after enrolling in the Saskatoon City
Hospital Nursing program. She often told
me that she didn’t think she could ever repay what City Hospital did for
her. There, she received room &
board, a small monthly stipend for essentials, and learned how to navigate the
medical nursing field all while learning & working “unpaid” at the hospital,
but she always said she came away with a reward so much greater than she
could’ve ever imagined. She was a
nurse! And she remained a nurse for the
next 40 years. It was her calling.
In 1959, Evelyn married Ervin Matzner. They had 4 sons together and lived &
raised their boys on the Matzner family farm.
My dad, Robert, was the eldest. Then came Kelly, who sadly passed away
unexpectedly in 1972 when he was 12.
Ross was the third wild child and then came the baby, Leo. Grandma was a busy mother & farm wife,
raising her boys while doing all the hard work that came with living on a small
working farm in those days. Grandma was
born a city girl, but she had the work ethic & tenacity to get through farm
life too. She hauled water, chopped
wood, milked cows, drove tractor, threw hay bales, cooked meals for 25 people at
the drop of a hat, and literally took on every job she was faced with, with a
determined but cheerful stubbornness that would have killed some of the
millennial kids these days. . Grandma
was never afraid to try. I recall a
story that my dad and & uncles would tell, regarding a certain dirt bike
& their mother. I believe it was Leo
or Ross that brought home a fancy dirt bike & I’m sure they were probably
teasing her about her not being able to drive this bike-and Grandma, being
Grandma, decided she’d show them. She
hopped on that bike and I’m sure her legs didn’t even touch the ground and with
an unknowing flick of her wrist, she let the throttle rip, and she climbed the
nearby barnyard fence with that bike. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I
ever saw my grandma on a motorbike in the 18 years that I lived on the farm.
Even though Grandma was busy raising a family on the farm,
she still worked enough in the early years to keep her knowledge of nursing
fresh. Once her boys were older, she
worked part time, then full time at the
Evergreen Health Centre in Leoville.
There were many days were Grandma was the first one out on our rough
bush roads after a fresh blanket of snow or a blizzard, and Grandma NEVER
called in sick. She, or my mom who was a
nurse too, were often the trailblazers.
And that they truly are, in more ways than one. In the later years of her career, Grandma
became the Director of Care at the Evergreen Health Center. She had great respect for the nurses &
staff there who worked tirelessly to help the residents there enjoy a quality
life. She was lots of fun, but she also
required respect from her staff and was not afraid to question poor work
ethic. Grandma was a good nurse and a
good boss. I guess I was never on the
receiving end of one of her needles or her scrub brushes or her sharp nurse’s
tongue saying “hold still now”, but I know that she was a good nurse because she
had a heart of gold under that tough exterior. She continued to be a part of
the Ladies Health Care Auxillary group in Leoville for years after she retired
from nursing.
My Grandma was a people person, but not really into small
talk- don’t get me wrong, she loved a good chat over tea, but if you really
knew her, was she ever a witty character. She had to be- amongst a family of
boys and men! She always said she was a
rose amongst the thorns. She very often
had a clever answer or a witty retort, or any readily-available comment to
make. The friendly banter that happened at the dinner table or in her kitchen
while the pan on the stove burned still warms my heart & brings tears to my
eye, and not because of the smoke. Uncle
Ross & Grandma always had the best light-hearted fun, especially when she
had the wooden spoon as her back-up. Living
with all those men on the farm, Grandma always threw on her tough exterior to tackle
life. But as her grand-daughter, I know
that she could be a big softie and in these last few years, I don’t know if
I’ve ever received so many wonderful hugs and had so many heartfelt discussions
with her. Her eyes would light up at the
sight of family at her door and I will miss that sparkle dearly.
5 years ago, my grandpa passed away unexpectedly. My grandma’s heart was completely shattered
with the loss of her husband of almost 56 years, and her wit & cheery
demeanour diminished slightly. She was
very lonely living in her big house on the farm, and so she moved to
Saskatoon. The first move only lasted
about 6 or 7 months, and then she came back to the farm. She just wasn’t ready to leave the place
where she was meant to be. She stayed at the farm for another year or two and
then was finally “mostly-ready” to leave the farm for good after 60 years. She has been in Saskatoon for the past 2
years, and my kids and I have had the absolute pleasure of being able to see
her every couple of weeks. We enjoyed
visiting her in her apartment, and during this crazy time of COVID lockdowns,
we were fortunately able to bring her soup, bring her out for picnic lunches,
and visit her outside her building in the garden area. Grandma’s face would always light up & she’d
give her signature “well hiiiiiiiiii!!!!” with a big smile when her
great-grandkids walked through the door.
She always gave them the tightest hugs, and made sure to buy crayons and
colouring books and cards so they wouldn’t get bored visiting “Little Old
Grandma”. She taught my daughter the
basics of crochet, and my son that it’s ok to drink tea & dunk your oreos even
when you’re just a little guy. She never shied away from being silly with them
because she loved to be silly and have fun.
My grandma also taught ME & my siblings and cousins many
things. We all have so many stories that involve her shenanigans-too many to
really mention in full detail. She
taught me that she could make a really tight French-braid….and that a scrub
brush is meant for knees and elbows too. She taught me how to make &
decorate a cake. She taught me how to
swim & do cartwheels. She taught me
how to fight off a turkey gobbler or a grumpy old gander in the barnyard. She taught me that I’ll never perfect her
fried chicken recipe, and I need to spank the bread dough harder before I put it
in the pans. She taught me that a
fabulous hat can sure make a person feel like a lady, and a good cup of tea can
make the day better. She taught me that a good belly-laugh is something you can
be proud of & that life doesn’t always have to be so serious. She also taught
me that knowledge is power. She taught me about tenacity. About willpower. About
humility. About being strong for your
family in the dark times. She taught me that just because you’re a woman,
doesn’t mean you can’t have dreams and follow them. And just because you’re a
woman, it doesn’t mean you can’t do everything that a man can, and most
times-even better. She taught me to keep
my head held high, no matter what. That it’s ok to cry but you gotta get back
up, dust yourself off and keep going because that’s how life works. Seize the
moment and laugh often, because we’re not promised tomorrow. She also may or may not have passed on a
little of that “stubborn” streak… to all of us.
My grandma was an independent, proud & humble woman.
Proud of her farmer and her boys. Her grand-children. Her great-grandchildren.
Her entire family. Her life. She was a fun, smart, caring, strong, courageous
& stubborn English-woman, who’s presence here in our lives will be forever
remembered with fondness and laughter and frustration & tears and everything
in between. Only 2 months ago, after I
dropped her off & made sure she got inside her building alright, she told
me how lucky she was- and when I asked why, she replied that she had such a lovely
granddaughter. And I know that she felt
that way about all of us. And I am
really lucky & proud to call her my grandma today…and always. Words are
never enough in times like these. I can
only aspire to be the kind of woman she was & I know we will all cherish
our memories of our time here on Earth with her. At the end of life, what
really matters is not what we bought, but what we built; not what we got, but
what we shared; not our competence, but our character; and not our success, but
our significance. Grandma lived a life
that mattered, and she lived a life of joy & strength & love &
significance.
I will leave you with a poem that I found resonated with the
loss of this wonderful lady, Ev. Nurse. Wife. Mom. Aunty. Gramma. "Little Old
Grandma". Friend.
A wife, a
mother, a grandma too, This is the legacy we have from you.
You taught
us love and how to fight, You gave us strength, you gave us might.
A stronger
person would be hard to find, And in your heart, your were always kind.
You fought
for us all in one way or another, Not just as wife, not just as Mother.
For all of
us you gave your best, Now the time has come for you to rest.
So go in
peace, you’ve earned your sleep.
Your love in our hearts, we’ll eternally keep.
Until we meet again Gramma-Love you forever.
Carrie aka Miss Muffet
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